Breathe...!!

There's a strange gnawing in my stomach. It would be convenient to dismiss it as just another physical abnomaly. For when it comes to matters of the mind, things take an unforgiveable twist for the unexpected. Rather it's probably what you know, what you expect that scares you. Therefore the casual dismissal.

The heart has a mind of it's own. We all know that. So when you are told to f*** logic and follow your heart, it just doesn't help! Oh god! I'm just puking out some sentimental bile. I can't even bear to go back and read what i've written. Makes me all quesy again.

On a saner, more comfortable note. I love my work! The satisfaction you get at the end of the day, when you see your story on air. It's the most fulfilling moment of your life. A month as a reporter and I know so much more about the inner workings of life. Not quite 'worldy wise' but I'm getting there. Give me a coupla years.

What makes NDTV such a wonderful workplace is the fact that you can relax and literally let your hair down if you want to. Sit on the table and chat with your seniors without worrying about getting your ears boxed. No hang-ups, no lacing your sentences with slavish gibberish. Relax and work your butt off. The kudos will follow.

My life is great! So very 'Sex and the city' types...so Ally Mcbealish...so amazingly messy it's a wonder i manage to pack 24 hrs with so much shit.

Good times and more!

Last friday was crazy...old friends...in a new city...(yes after 3 months it's still quite new)...
Don't know how we got the energy to party like that considering all of us had pretty much zero sleep the night before. Ofcourse one look at Abhi's blog will tell you that urs truly did manage to catnap for a bit...but hell! i'd gone straight to work (6am to 3pm shift) after picking these guys up from the aiport at some godforsaken hour!
After watching Sania for a bit we all prepared ourselves for TC's...or TC..or what u may...and when i say 'prepared' ourselves...i mean we all gulped down that miracle pill..Partysmart...miracle my left fooT! Abhi ofcourse went on and on about the virtues of this herbal wonder but we all know what happened after that...i think at least 3 of us can vouch that it certainly didn't help much...I for one made my point by pouring out my insides onto the dance floor...or on Ronald's knee...i don't know which.
Nonetheless...the lil get-together was just what i needed...makes me want to take a holiday more than ever! And not really to go home...but to just take off with friends and trek up the hills or something....Dharamshala has been on my mind quite a bit lately...clean crisp mountain air...far from the heat and humidity of this oven of a city...green grass (the kind cows like to munch :P)...just for 3-4 days...oh wouldn't it be Loverly!!
Is someone listening? or does this plea fall on deaf ears...?

Ps. refer to http://abhi.nomadlife.org for pics...

Its a saturday afternoon and i'm at work...and tmoro it'll be a Sunday afternoon n i'll be back at work again...'work' being just a functional work coz frankly...being a trainee sucks. Though people tell me I'd better enjoy myself while I can coz Once i'm on 'skeds' that'll be then end of me n my social life. The latter has been extremely happening tho...i have such kind, benevolent friends in Delhi you see. They've taken charge of entertainin this poor 'lost in the woods' type banglorean (or banglori as they insist on calling me) girl.
Thanks to this I seem to have settled in pretty fast. Went and got myself a pillow and basic cutlery yesterday. Soon i shall get myself my own place and then comes my favorite part...setting up house!! Oooh! the very thought makes me feel all warm n happy. Furniture shops...pickin up nic nacs from cheapy markets...designing decorating...what am i doing at NDTV! I should've been an interior designer or something. But then again i can't imagine not being a journalist.
*giggle* man in pink embroidered kurta walked past...so fluffy and so...well...fair enough..its a free country...but funny nonetheless!
Ok time's up...back to building rundowns...woe is me...when will i finally get to go out n run after politicians!??!?

No Time!

Here I am...posting on my blog...hoping no one's reading over my shoulder...was just feeling damn guilty that I haven't put anything up in so long. But this has to be short as you can well understand...I am still a lowly trainee on probation...no time to faff around...i mean legal faffing is allowed where you just follow people around and ask stupid questions. But sitting around and checking mail or updating my blog...don't think that would be taken too well. SO here is me...signing off for now...till i get such an opportunity again...Farewell!

Pandora's box

That's it. I'm all packed and ready to go. Scared to death...dont know why though. Maybe it's just the horror stories i've heard. The standard response i seem to evoke everytime I say that I'll be moving to the capital - "Shit, please be very careful! Do not travel by autos alone...get home by 8 in the evening...carry pepper spray!"

Like anxiety laced with apprehension wasn't enough to put in my lil bag of emotions. Ofcourse somewhere tangled in the mess you will find some excitement...no, actually a lot of excitement, but it's just a little hazy at the moment.

And then there's panic...just about teetering on the edge of chaos. Will i fit in? Will i find a nice place to call home? Will i manage on the pittance i'll be making? Will i be safe? I'm so gonna miss home!!! At times its enough to make me want to nip downstairs n drown myself in nightcap after nightcap.

But tomorrow is when I lug my little mixed bag onto the flight that'll take me to my destination. And once i land...the cat will get out...and probably take my tongue with it...literally. (Forgive me lord for i have sinned against my readers, if any.) Even writing isn't acting like the sedative it usually is.

Think I'll stop...Ugh! I can't wait to get this bit over with...just need to stop getting all cross-eyed with worry. I don't know how to end this one...so I won't bother. The End.

Do Not Panic!

GREAT!!! Just PERFECT!! I've just realised that I've lost all my stories...all my work...the little bit of philosophising (?) I allowed myself long ago...its all bloody gone! Quest...Genesis...Cocoon...yeah yeah so they sound corny as hell...but I wrote them when I was 18!! Perfect angst-ridden outpourings of the teenage heart and now I can't re-live them as a mature, mellow and graceful 22 yr old. And especially considering I went through a severe bout of writers block for atleast 2 years after that!*sigh*

That's it...I'm going to dads office with a sledgehammer tomorrow to bash that pseudo computer 'technician's head in. (Err...if you're reading this good sir, my upright upbringing will really not allow me to go to such lengths, but thought you should know, I would really love to spill your neurons on your keyboard).

Oh btw, I seem to have a surplus of Shrewsbury biscuits at home. Utterly Butterly Delicious!! For all those interested in indulging themselves at my expense, please read previous paragraph.

Feelin' Groovy!

This is my background score, my movie soundtrack, the song that goes round n round in my head...three cheers for the dancing queen, three cheers for the optimist, three cheers for the hope fairy, three cheers for the brown girl in the ring! Hic Hic Hurray!!!


Sail on silver girl
Sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way
See how they shine!!

- Paul Simon (Bridge over Troubled Water, 1969)

My Ta-da list

The countdown began 10 days ago. 5 more to live through and it's going to be the future I've been waiting for so long. The last time I 'visited' my darling Bangalore it lasted almost a month. This time it spread itself out neatly over a period of 3 months. 'Full the lump in throat n all that is happening da maccha!' These last 3 months have been unadulterated bliss, ok maybe not that unadulterated considering it came with huge dollops of anxiety and self-doubt on top. But the formula that got me sailing through - pool, beer, javacity, my car, family AND my friends (not necessarily in that order).
Days that started slowly at 12 in the afternoon and ended just as slowly at 3-4am. Frequent 'trips' (sometimes too many for comfort) to Tavern and Mojo. Fluke shots at Guzzlers that pushed us to play frame after frame till we saw green everywhere (the environmentalists dream :P). Getting drenched while sipping daintily on iced teas. Puffing on kings and hoping and planning desperately that 'someday' we'll quit. Imagining that my lil Santro is no less than a Ferrari and MG Road is the Autobahn. Altercating on the advantages of pre-marital sex and the institution of marriage. Quick shots of Royal Stag with warm coke while trying to convince mum that I really am on Airport road, just 2 minutes from home. Talking about Life, the Universe and Everything with Pharoah who'd respond only if I scratched his tummy first.
Yes, these 3 months have shot past and it's time to get on. Time to move on to the next 3 months and then on to the next...hoping its gonna be as good as the ones before it.

This Life! So many opportunities...lost or not...risks taken...worth it or not...dreams...realised or not...This Life! How i Love it! Coz the good times are so much more fun to remember!

...those were the best days of my life!!

Independence was never sweeter. Almost a year and a half of sheer freedom in the Ol' Blighty. Ofcourse, it brought with it a month or so of stifling loneliness and mindnumbing homesickness, the kind that threatened to crush my stomach into a lil ball. But what people say about getting overly patriotic when on alien soil holds so true. Just seeing an Indian face or even a Pakistani one (same difference), would send me into one of my Cheshire cat moods. Slowly but surely, you warm to the place (in November surprisingly) and the people and realise that the 'stiff upper lip' is as real as the Loch Ness monster. After that, for a bird that's gonna spread its wings for the first time, it was feeding time! Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday = Parddyyy!! Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday = nurse hangover days. I think somewhere in between I managed to squeeze in classes and assignments.
And before you can say 'Matrioshka'...it was time to return. Everybody said, hurry home, but the heart said 'jus a lil more'. So I threw caution to the winds and tried my luck. Three extra months can't hurt I told myself. And they really didn't. It was probably the 1st ever risk I'd taken and now I think I quite like the rush. Even though I didn't get what i'd hoped for, atleast I got to go ice skating in Somerset House on new yrs!!

Brumm Pals 

So..here i am!

The whole world is blogging...so I decided to jump into the bandwagon. So where's the gold folks?!? Is there a purpose to this or are we just taking up free cyberspace...who knows! it just might be worth a lot someday. Will I ever be able to charge those who want to view the insides of my brain? Intellectual property rights n all that jazz? On second thoughts...not a chance! Who'd ever want to read this shit!